


Fire Doesn't Always Burn

by spookyotaku



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Cancer, Coma, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Injury Recovery, M/M, Major Character Injury, Surgery, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:09:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27601205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookyotaku/pseuds/spookyotaku
Summary: Fire burns, but is a source of warmth and light as well.
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 23





	Fire Doesn't Always Burn

**Author's Note:**

> Another one for my nieces. I cried making Roses & Flashlights but this one made me cry more.

Satori Tendou was 13 when he got the news, he had cancer. He had Hodgkin Lymphoma, a cancer that affects the lymph nodes, but as well as other organs. He was stage one, for now, so the doctors were treating him with medications for the time being. Over time, he grew a bit more tired than he used to. And grew thinner as well, and due to this, and not telling anyone at school yet, he was bullied. He transferred to a new school a bit further from home, he was a second year in middle school. It was after school on his first day at the new school, and he was walking by the gym where he saw other kids playing volleyball. He stood in the doorway of the gym and watched quietly. Though, before long some kids were walking over to him and one kid smirked and shoved him. “Why are you so weird looking? All long and lanky. You’re so skinny, you look like a bug or something.” Tendou winced at the words and backed up to leave, but another kid tripped him up and made him fall backwards. “Just leave me alone..” He said quietly as he stood back up and wiped himself of dirt. They huddled around him and started pushing him back and forth between each other, Tendou was in pain, so he made pained sounds. Suddenly, the pushing stopped, he sunk to his knees and covered his head. Then he felt a large warm hand on his back and presence kneel beside him. He looked up to see who it was with tears in his eyes. Tendou was met with a larger kid his age, with medium brown hair and light brown eyes, the kid didn’t smile, just helped Tendou stand. “You okay?” A slightly deep rough voice came from him, Tendou was a bit surprised, they were roughly the same height but he was clearly more muscular and athletic. “Y-Yeah.. Thanks.. My name is Satori Tendou.” He spoke softly, the brown haired boy nodded, holding his hand out to shake Tendou’s. “My name is Wakatoshi Ushijima. Are you new here?” Tendou nodded with a soft smile. “Yeah.. Are you a volleyball player? It looks like fun.” Ushijima nodded, walking Tendou into the gym where the volleyball team stood. “Yeah, I’m working towards becoming captain next year.” “Oh wow, goals set high. I wish I could play. I don’t have enough strength to play and no one really likes me?” Tendou laughed softly. “We can build your strength. Practice is in the morning at 6am and after school at 4pm. See you then, Tendou.” Tendo’s cheeks turned a soft shade of pink. “Satori.. You can call me Satori..” Ushijima nodded and spoke with a very soft smile. “Then you can call me Wakatoshi.” 

Time went by, Satori and Ushijima were now 18 in their third year of high school. They’ve been together almost everyday since then, even so much as going on vacations with each other and spending holidays together. They were inseparable. They lost at Nationals, and they were talking as they stretched before leaving. “I’m not playing volleyball anymore. I had my run. But you and I both know I don’t have the strength to play college or pro volleyball.” Tendou looked over to him, Ushijima was watching him as he spoke, Tendou has yet to tell him he had cancer. “If you’re really okay with that, Satori. I’m attending college nearby, so it won’t affect our friendship.” Tendou nodded with a bright smile, his red eyes locked on the brown ones in front of him. “I know it won’t.” Was all Tendou spoke. After that, they left the gym. Satori decided he’d stay the night with Ushijima tonight so he had already packed a bag. They arrived to Ushjima’s, ate dinner then went up to his room. Ushijma was closed off and mostly quiet in public, but he showed more emotion when alone with Tendou. Ushijma fell backwards on his bed with a large groan, then he started to sob. He was in pain from losing Nationals. “We lost! Those damn crows.” Satori let out a soft laugh and climbed into bed with Ushijma, laying on his side with his head in his hand. “Yeah, but we fought hard and did our best. Don’t get so down, Toshi.” Toshi, a nickname Tendou used for Ushijma. He was the only one allowed to call him that. Ushijma looked over at Tendou and sighed with his now puffy and red eyes and tear stained face. “I know.. It still sucks. And it was our last game as third years.” Tendou leaned over and placed a soft kiss into Ushijma’s forehead, petting his cheek. “It’s okay. We can play together in fun games instead of competitive ones. So we’ll play together again. Now you’re going to start training to make it onto that college team. Then onto the pros!” Ushijima just smiled then pulled the slender red haired boy into his arms, kissing his hair. “Thanks Satori.” The two weren’t dating, but this was natural for them when alone. Always touching somehow, kisses to the face and body sometimes, holding each other during movies or while sleeping. Neither said if they were officially dating, or if this was just how their friendship was. Neither came out as liking guys either. Tendou tucked his head under Ushijma’s chin as he hugged him close. He spoke softly into his chest, “Hey, Toshi?” Ushijima hummed in response to say he’s listening, Tendou continued. “Are we best friends? Or, something more?” He traced shapes with his finger against Ushijima’s back before feeling him pull back to meet Tendou’s eyes. “Do.. You want to be more than best friends?” Tendou’s cheeks flushed and he looked away, but nodded. “Then we are. Because I feel the same way.” Tendou’s cheeks turned almost the same color as his hair, Ushjima chuckled then tilted Tendou’s head up by his chin, placing a sweet and gentle kiss into his lips. Tendou melted into his lips, moving one hand to tangle his fingers in the brown hair. Ushijma pulled Tendou closer against his body, he felt like his body was on fire. Ushijma has grown to love the red haired boy so dearly, and his trust in him was more than he’d ever given someone else. Their kiss lasted for nearly two minutes before they finally pulled apart, slightly breathless, the quiet room was filled with their breath, followed by their soft laughter. They spent the rest of the night in each other’s arms, exchanging kisses, and a bit more.

It’s been a year since that day, and they spent, still, almost all their time together. It wasn’t as much as it used to be, as they aren’t in volleyball together anymore. However, they went to the same college, and have a few of the same classes together. Tendou took up a part-time job at the nearby bakery. And luckily, he’s usually working when Ushijima has practice, and he’s able to get the time off to go to all of his games as well. It was right before a game and Tendou was waiting nearby to tell Ushijima good luck when he saw him talking to a mocha haired boy. He moved a bit closer to say hello, when he saw them hug. It didn’t sit right with Tendou, but he didn’t intervene, yet anyways. Who was he? The two broke apart, and what Tendou saw next made his heart fall to his stomach. The two kissed, passionately. Tendou swallowed hard then walked up to them with his hands behind his back and a large smile on his face. “Hey, Wakatoshi. I came to wish you good luck.” It startled the kissing boys, and Ushijima’s face twisted when he saw it was Tendou. “Satori, I can explain..” Tendou shook his head, keeping his smile. “No, it's okay. Good luck in your game! See you in class. It was nice to meet you, whoever you are.” “I’m Oikawa Tooru.. So you’re the “annoying boyfriend” he’s always complaining about.” Tendou’s jaw clenched but his smile didn’t fade. “Ah, no. I’m his annoying ex-boyfriend now. I wish you two the best.” He waves then turns and leaves, once he gets to his car he finally breaks down and sobs into his hand. “I’m so stupid.. I knew it was too good to be true..” Tendou’s phone went off. It was a text from Ushijima. “Satori I’ll call you after the game and explain. Okay? He lied, I’d never call you annoying. I love you.” Tendou scoffed and replied. “Don’t. It’s okay! I’m glad you’re happy with that Oikawa guy. I’m sorry I was so annoying! See you around, Ushijima.” He then turned his phone off. Later that night, one of Tendou’s kidneys started to fail. Without his knowledge, his parents called Ushijima to the hospital. They didn’t know Tendou hadn’t told him he had cancer, nor did they know what happened today. Ushijima showed up though, within minutes of the phone call and was at Tendou’s side when he woke up. Tendou looked around and saw Ushijima then looked away. “What are you doing here, Ushijima?” “Satori.. Why didn’t you tell me you were sick?” “Because I didn’t want you to be my friend because you felt sorry for me. And I didn’t want to lose my only friend because I was different, I was the sick kid in school. But it doesn’t matter now. You have no reason to be here.” Tendou’s voice broke but he recovered to finish his train of thought, he heard Ushijima sigh and squeeze Tendou’s hand tightly. “Satori, neither of those things would’ve happened. And I told you I’d explain.. Oikawa was an old crush of mine from middle school. And a few weeks ago we saw each other at one of my games and we exchanged numbers. We’ve been hanging out sometimes and.. Feelings came back up. Today, something came over me and I kissed him. I guess I just wanted to know what it felt like to kiss him. I’m sorry. It was a moment of weakness.” Tendou still didn’t look at him. “And the annoying boyfriend comment?” “He misunderstood me.. I do.. Complain.. A bit about you. But it’s just because you’re so enthusiastic sometimes it’s hard for me to keep up. But I don’t think you’re annoying. I just.. Think you’re clingy.” Tendou pulled his hand away and turned onto his side with his back to Ushijima, his red hair in his face. “Then no need to worry about me being clingy anymore. Go date Oikawa.” He heard Ushijima stand, assuming he left. Tendou sighed but his eyes shot open when he felt lips on his. Ushijima was kissing him. He pushed him away quickly, raising his voice, “What the hell are you doing?” “Trying to show you that I love you, Satori. It was a mistake. After his lips came away from mine, and I saw your face. I felt sick. And I ended up actually getting sick and we lost the game. But that’s not the point. Those feelings for him were gone the moment I saw your face. And I was brought back to reality that I had everything I ever wanted. And it was you. I love you. And I’m so sorry for making a stupid mistake. But I don’t want Oikawa, I want you, Satori Tendou. You, and your fiery soul that’s so vivid and powerful. You’re full of a fire that doesn’t burn, but warms. Warms my heart that I swear sometimes is just ice. Warms my body where all I want is you in my arms. You’re a warmth that I can’t live without. So please forgive me.” Tendou was watching him carefully, he was still mad, still hurt, but he caved. Tendou reached his arms up, and Ushijima gladly sunk to his knees by his hospital bed to wrap his arms around the slender boy, hiding his face against his neck. “I’m so sorry, Satori.” He spoke softly against Tendou’s neck. Tendou shuddered and held Ushijima close. “Yeah, well.. I don’t forgive you just yet. But I’m glad you’re here. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” Ushijima nodded, hugging him close. “It’s okay. Are you doing okay? They said one of your kidneys is failing.. What’s going to happen?” Tendou sighed. “I’m okay. I’ll be heading into surgery tomorrow for a transplant. They found a donor for me, luckily. It’s not a perfect kidney, but they said because of the cancer, they wanted to save a perfect kidney for someone else “just in case.”” Ushijima nodded, moving to sit on the edge of the bed and hold Tendou’s hand. “Would you like me to be here when you wake up? I can call to not come into practice.” Tendou made a soft whimper. “Are you sure..? I’d really like you to be here..” Ushijima smiled and nodded, placing a soft kiss into his love’s lips. Tendou didn’t fully trust Ushijima anymore, but he still loved him deeply. How could he not? He’s been his best friend for years now. Maybe it was just a one time mistake..

Tendou had a successful surgery, and healed perfectly. Though the cancer was moved from stage one to stage two. They were now trying different medications, trying not to make him go through chemo just yet. He was 20 years old now, and as far as he knows, Ushijima never made another mistake. Ushijima and Tendou were holding each other closely at Tendou’s house, sighing. “Do you really have to go?” Ushijima nodded. “I do if I want to go pro. It’s just a month long training camp, Satori. It’ll be okay, and I’ll be home before you know it.” Tendou whined in protest as he looked up at him. “Yeah, but you’re so far away. It’s all the way in America.” Ushijima just had a sad smile as he petted his hair. “I know.. But everything will be okay.” Tendou sighed and tried to come to terms with not being able to see him in person for a month. This will be the longest they’ve been away from each other since they’ve known each other. A few more days went by, and Tendou was getting his first call at three in the morning. He groggily answered, it was a facetime from Ushijima. “Hey Satori, were you sleeping?” Tendou smiled softly and shook his head, a lie. “No, just resting. How was camp?” Ushijima sighed as he laid down finally, “Long, tiring. It’s a lot more work than practice back home. I miss you.” Tendou smiled softly and tiredly as he watched him through the phone screen. “I miss you too..” They talked for a little while before both going to sleep. It continued like this for another week. Then Tendou went to check on the camp’s Instagram and he saw a familiar face. It was Oikawa. He looked at the most recent picture and it was of some others he vaguely remember from high school and strangers. In the background of the picture was Oikawa, and Ushijima. Oikawa had his arms around Ushijima’s neck and was kissing his cheek and taking a selfie. Tendo started to shake and he went to find Oikawa’s Instagram, seeing the picture he posted. It had the caption, “Camp is fun. But I couldn’t imagine it without my sweet boyfriend Wakatoshi.” Tendou teared up and took a screenshot of it and quickly sent it to Ushijima. “Fuck you, Wakatoshi Ushijima..” Was all he said with the picture message. It wasn’t until a few days later he finally got a reply. “Satori, it was a joke. He’s trying to make his ex jealous to get him back.” Tendou didn’t answer, so Ushijima called him. There was an answer, “Satori please-” He was stopped by a female’s voice, it was Tendou’s mother. “Satori can’t come to the phone right now.. He started having trouble breathing and coughing up blood. He’s unconscious in the hospital. I’m sorry, Wakatoshi.” “Is he okay? Please if he wakes up tell him I’ll be home soon. I’m cancelling the rest of the camp.” She gave him an okay and hung up.

The next day, Tendou woke up. They put him on another new medication, and it’s helping now. It’s one he has to use with a machine to breathe in twice a day. His mom didn’t tell him about Ushijima. He turned on the TV in his room and it had local news on. “There was a plane crash just outside of Tokyo. There was only one survivor. His name is Wakatoshi Ushijima. He’s a 20 year old college student who was returning early from a pre-profession league volleyball camp. No one knows the reason why he was returning early, but he is currently in critical condition at the hospital in Tokyo. We got doctors’ reports saying there’s a strong chance we won’t make it due to his injuries. His injuries were not revealed. More to come. Onto weather.” Tendou looked at his mother and her face wore the same as his; worry, fear. Tendou was weak but he managed to go to the ICU floor of the hospital he was in to see if Ushijima’s parents were there. His eyes were glued to them as soon as he saw them and he ran up to them as best he could with tears in his eyes. “I-Is he okay? Is he alive? Can I see him? Please!” Ushijima’s mother hugged Tendo closely and shushed him. “Once we’re allowed in, you can see him. It’s okay. They said they’ve almost got him stable. He’s strong, he’ll pull through.” Tendou just nodded and sobbed into her shoulder as he gripped her shirt. He was so scared. He didn’t care if Ushijima was cheating, he just wanted him to be okay. A few hours passed, and they were finally able to see him. Once they went into his room, they saw Ushijima covered in all kinds of tubes and wires and such to support him. He had a broken leg and arm, a broken nose and cracked open skull and broken ribs as well as lacerations and bruising all over his body. He didn’t look like himself. Tendou ran over and gently grabbed Ushijima’s hand, tears falling down his cheeks. “T-Toshi.. Please wake up..” He didn’t. And he wouldn’t. Not for a while. He was put in a medically induced coma until he healed some, because he’d be in too much pain for medication to help. A few days pass, then weeks, and then months. It was a year, a cold, lonely, brutal year of Tendou waiting for Ushijima to wake up. Tendou got sicker as the year passed, and had to start chemotherapy. He was moved to share the room with Ushijima because he refused to leave. Tendou was resting one day when Ushijima finally opened his eyes, a nurse was there. They called in the doctor to remove the tube down his nose and throat and he coughed. He looked around confused, but he recognized the bright red hair right away. His hair was thinner now, and he looked skinnier and paler, but it was still Satori Tendou. They moved their beds closer together because Ushijima was trying to get up to go be with him. He then held Tendou’s hand, tearing up. He choked out, in a broken and raspy voice, “S-Satori.. What’s happened? You looked fine just a few days ago..” Tendou’s mother walks in and smiles, followed by his own mother. “I’m glad to see you’re awake.. But it hasn’t been a few days since you last saw him. It’s been a year.. You’ve been in a coma after a plane crash. Why were you coming back from the camp early?” He looked as his mother spoke, and he looked at Satori. “Because Satori got sick.. I had to see him. I had to tell him I wasn’t cheating. I had to make sure he was okay.. Is.. Is he dying?” Tendou’s mother sat on the other side of Tendou’s bed and sighed. “We don’t know.. It’s stage three right now. And they’re trying aggressive chemo. But we’re not sure he’s strong enough to handle the repercussions.” Ushijima put his head to Tendou’s, and all he could do was cry. 

Tendou woke up after a few hours, and Ushijima explained that he really was just helping Oikawa make his ex jealous, and showed him the text messages of Oikawa asking for help to prove it. They made up, and now they’re cuddled together in Tendou’s bed during one of his chemo sessions. Tendou felt so sick, and weak. His skin was a grey-ish white color. His once bright, red eyes were now a dull and lifeless shade. His hair that stood like flames was now all gone, so he wore a beanie. And he had dark circles under his eyes. He bruised easily now, so being held too tightly by Ushijima caused him to bruise. Ushijima always apologized, Tendou telling him it’s okay and to hold him closer in return. Ushijima wasn’t out of the woods yet himself either, they still were worried he damaged organs because he would throw up blood sometimes, but they couldn’t find the source. Tendou’s voice was weak, fragile; his once warm hands and skin now cold to touch as he shivered. It broke Ushijima to see him like this. It hurt even more to know Tendou might not make it through. Every week chemo turned into everyday, and he wasn’t looking any better. Ushijima overheard the doctor talking to his parents about stopping the chemo and letting him live out his time in comfort at home. They had already given up on him. “Satori?” Ushijima spoke softly against his ear, Tendou moved a bit to look at him, too weak to speak. It was roughly two in the morning, they should’ve been sleeping. “Satori. Promise me you’ll fight. You won’t give up on yourself. Promise me that you’ll fight.. So we can play volleyball together again.” Satori lifted his slender and cold hand to meet with Ushijima’s cheek, a weak smile spreading over his cracked and pale lips. He whispers so softly he almost can’t be heard. “I promise, Wakatoshi.. I want to go outside.” Ushijima made a twisted face and placed a gentle kiss into his lips with a returning whisper. “We can’t. You’ll be too cold.” Tendou’s eyes watered, and all he could say was, “Please Toshi..” And Ushijima caved. He got a wheelchair and snuck themselves outside. Taking him to the lake across the way. He locked the wheelchair in place then sat on the ground beside him. He was thankful he had healed his leg and arm that were broken. Tendou was shaking and shivering violently, but he just closed his eyes and tilted his head towards the sky and took in slow deep breaths. Tendou then lowered his head and looked at Ushijima. “Did you bring your phone?” Ushijima nodded and handed it to him. After a few moments, the song May I by Trading Yesterday comes on. Ushijima made a face then weakly, Tendou stood and held his hand out to Ushijima, he took it and stood, supporting him so Tendou didn’t fall. “What’s this?” “Dance with me..” Ushijima ‘s cheeks turned pink but he nodded, slowly swaying side to side while moving them around in a circle, careful that Tendou doesn’t fall. The song played in the background as they held each other closely under the now cloudy sky. They swayed as snow fell around them, the song making it seem like it was just them in the world together. Tendou sings softly as he holds onto Ushijima, looking up at him, right into his light brown eyes as he cups his face with his fragile hands. “May I hold you, as you fall to sleep. When the world is closing in, and you can’t breathe. May I love you, may I be your shield. When no one can be found, may I lay you down?” Ushijima had tears in his eyes, he nodded and kissed him slowly, Tendou returned the kiss. This kiss was like the first one they ever shared, tender, sweet, and full of passion and absolute love for one another. “I love you, Satori.” Tendou smiled on Ushijima’s lips. “I love you, Wakatoshi. Please don’t forget that, okay?”

Satori Tendou passed peacefully in his sleep the following night. Ushijima was a mess, he wouldn’t and couldn’t stop crying and sobbing. The family decided to have him cremated. Once it was Ushijima’s turn to speak at Tendou’s memorial, he finally stopped crying. He took a slow but shaky breath as he spoke into the microphone. “Satori Tendou was a bright, beautiful, fire that couldn’t be put out. His soul was a radiant light from the sun, and he had the passion to do anything he wanted. Satori was my best friend, and I couldn’t even imagine a life without him, but I guess now I have to learn to do that. I compare him to a fire a lot, but let me be clear. He was not destructive, he wasn’t this unstoppable rage. He was a light in the blackest of darknesses, a warmth that could melt anything in its path. He was so warm. So sweet, so king. So truthful, honest. Brave. Strong. He was so much stronger than he ever gave himself credit for. And I loved him, no. I still love him. And I always will love him. He is my shining sun, my warm fire, and my burning passion to keep moving forward. And from his favorite song, I will say this. All that’s made me, is all worth trading. Just to have one moment with you. So I will let go, all that I know, knowing that you’re here with me. For your love is changing me. Thank you Satori, for holding me as I fell to sleep. Thank you for being there when the world was closing in and I could not breathe. Thank you for loving me, for being my shield. And when no could be found, you would lay me down, right in your arms. I miss you. I can’t wait to play volleyball with you again. Thank you.” He bowed and stepped away, Ushijima went home that night and held onto Tendou’s favorite shirt, trying to burn his scent into his mind. He missed him so much already. 

A few years later, Wakatoshi Ushijima found love again in a sweet blonde haired guy. They got married and adopted a couple of kids. Ushijima never forgot Tendou, never forgot his love. He sang that song to his kids every night, holding back tears. His husband knew about Tendou, so did his kids. He carried his picture in his wallet, and still had his favorite shirt. He lived on, happily. But never forgetting, and always waiting to play volleyball with Satori Tendou again.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if anything about the cancer is wrong! I tried my best. Enjoy and I take requests and ideas/suggestions on my Instagram @spookyotaku!


End file.
